Discontent

I have come to be thinking in terms of the future, never quite living up to the moment. Except on rare occasions when there is something exciting going on in that moment. Be that as it may, I am still spending the majority of my time prior to this event looking forward to it, and saying things such as “if only it were this day and time!” or “I cannot wait any longer for this!.” Of course, this way of thinking is never beneficial. I always speed through life wishing for the future and when the future finally comes it goes past just as fast as the time spent waiting for it. I should spend less time worrying anxiously for the exciting things that are to come and more time cherishing the excitement and enjoyment of being privileged enough to experience them. Nevertheless, I am but merely a human. A human of the female sex I might add, who makes hasty decisions, justifies all she does, and whose mood cannot even decide for itself whether or not to be stable at any given time. Oh, why can’t things turn out the way they should? If I could but pray something and God send forth his mighty powers to make it come to pass, I should be a happy woman. Spoiled, but happy. Yet even with all this complaining stated, I know that through perseverance and obedience God rewards those who wait on His timing. Therefore, I shall attempt to carry my cross daily and walk in His will rather than my own. Forgetting about the future and living for today. Which by no means is an easy feat.

Row the Boat Gently

I worked today, it was pretty uneventful. But something caught my attention that never has before. A lady i work with always does exercises with the residents after dinner. She sits them in the "middle" and does simple little exercises like right leg over left leg 5x, or touching elbows to knees 8x. Every time she does these exercises she always has them do this certain one where you move your arms as if you were rowing a boat and everyone sings the song "row row row your boat." We always chuckle with her when she sings "merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a nightmare." The residents sometimes get on her for being so negative and other times they laugh as if it were the funniest thing they've ever heard before in their life. Tonight was one of those nights. The residents got their kick out of it and then kept on with whatever exercise was next, but i just sat and thought. Life really can be a nightmare sometimes. In my head i decided the words needed to be something more like

row row row your boat

roughly down the stream

scarily scarily scarily scarily

life is but a nightmare

Life can just be so rough on a person can't it? Just think about all the terrible things that go on in our world today. Exactly 8 years ago today one of the worst things in the history of America happened. The world trade center attacks. People around the world are aborting babies and destroying life only to turn around and act as though life had ever even begun to grow inside them. Some people are living with the terrible mistakes they made. Some people are living with the terrible mistakes others have cast upon them. This world is so full of sin and deceit its a wonder we can even function on a daily basis. Women are walking around rejected from their own husbands who swore to love them unconditionally for the rest of their lives. The same is happening to men whose wives made the same promise and broke it. Sometimes i just sit and ponder all this and wonder how it is that humans can still walk around the way they do. Still in one piece. But then i remember.... God. When i think of all these depressing things that happen on a daily basis the verse from John comes to mind,

In this world you will have trouble.

But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

Okay God, so I'm supposed to trust you and find peace in you because you have taken the world in your grasp and overcome its temptations. But what can come out of all this? Whats the point God?

You intended to harm me,

but God intended it for good to

accomplish what is now being done,

the saving of many lives.

Genesis 50:20

Even though bad things happen because there is sin in the world, God uses it for good. He often turns a sinful heart towards him so that he can speak to many through that voice to save lives and win people to Christ. Thank you Lord for your undying love for us. We are unworthy of such grace and mercy and are indebted to you for your lovingkindness. We love you Lord. Until we see you face to face Lord, row the boat gently.

I praise you...

because i am fearfully and wonderfully made.... and also because you've created me with the inability to know EVERYTHING. Does anyone else ever just want to praise God for not giving us all the answers?? I find it comforting to know that i don't have to be smart enough to make my own decisions.... that i can just hand my life over to God and say "Let YOUR will be done in my life God." Today in Philosophy we talked about the ability to "self-govern" and how its very dangerous, blah blah blah... but one of the points my teacher made was that in order for us to self-govern we have to be educated. I think i just breathed a huge sigh of relief when i thought of how i don't have to be incredibly smart to live and exist and to love God and be his daughter. All i have to have is faith in him. Faith in what is not seen or felt physically. Praise God right?! We talked about the three major fields of philosophy: Metaphysics (What is real?), Epistemology (What do i know?), and Axiology (What do i do?). We talked about a lot of big questions right from the start!! and this is only our second class!! I can't imagine how it will be towards the end of the semester. I was a little scared of taking this class at first because i was afraid that the teacher would try and convince me that there was no God and junk like that but my teacher is really respectful of our opinions and lets us speak our mind. I actually feel like i'm learning something haha Well... its time for bed... i've got more of the school thing going on tomorrow.... bleh.

-Milly

School and such...

Okay, so far my first week back to school has been rather pleasant. I complain a lot but i really am enjoying my classes. It's just that its so hard for me to just start back in school and be busy CONSTANTLY! But so far its been okay. I'm in a lot of hours this semester but i'm looking forward to finishing this year *crosses fingers* My classes kind of all mesh together with the topics that we cover with the exception of Math and Bio. Basically in my English class i am learning about the elements of argument and what makes a good argument and how to provide good evidence and so on. My teacher is really nice, he gets off track sometimes but i don't mind at all :) In my Philosophy class we are talking about what we believe and why we believe it and how to argue it and how to prove or disprove a certain philosophy with evidence and how to make that decision. Last but not least in my Psychology class we are talking about things that have to do with social psychology and human social behavior. It's awesome! Because we talk about the different things that influence our decisions and our perceptions on things. They all flow together :) I'm pretty excited about it. My math class isn't too bad and in Biology we get to use microscopes... its awesome! I got to see a cell from the saliva i scraped off from the inside of my cheek. It was quite fun. I have some goofy lab partners but it makes things fun. Hopefully as the semester progresses it keeps getting better and doesn't in anyway get worse (knock on wood) ;)

-MiMi

JOHN MAYER - HEART OF LIFE LYRICS

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
so turn off your tears
and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
no it wont all go the way
it should
but I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothin' new
bad news never had good timing
then the circle of your friends
will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
no it won't all go the way
it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
fear is a friend who is
misunderstood
but I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good, I know it's good
oh i know it's good

Bound and Determined...

I am bound and determined to start writing in my blog and keeping up with it!!! Maybe since school is starting it can be a place for me to filter all the stuff thats happening in my life. Can you tell i don't stick with things much? I am going to with this though... hopefully. haha I can't believe i haven't posted anything since december!!! Thats just nuts! Well... here's to my first post in 8 months!!!